A Question for the Tightwads
Just about every relationship has them. One of you is a spender and the other is a saver. The tightwad usually keeps track of all the purchases, nearly has a cow when you go over budget, nags about spending habits, and tries to save as much money as possible. The spender, well, spends. The spender likes the thrill of buying something new, keeping up with the Jones’, and having the latest technology.
Sometimes the saver in the relationship finds it necessary to hide the truth from the spender. It’s not that they’re trying to lie or be deceitful. It’s just that they’re trying to keep the financial success from the free spirited spender because they’re afraid that the spender will spend more money!
Ok, this may be too much of a generalization for you, but I know this is the case in many families. So, I’m curious to know . . . Are you a tightwad? If so, do you hide your family’s financial success from your significant other so that you can get further ahead? I really want to know. :)
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11 opinions for A Question for the Tightwads
Heidi
Mar 2, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I am definitely the saver of the family-I have more budget spreadsheets than most large companies and it drives my husband crazy! I have recently thought about the idea of hiding any success from him, since the last time I shared with him that I got a raise, he promptly went out and increased our DirecTv bill! :)
Amy
Mar 2, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I am a saver and hubby is a spender. I have exaggerated about how little money we had in order to build up savings. Luckily, we are in March now, and March here is MARCH MONEY MADNESS.
This is the month that we save as much money as we possibly can. We save the money into jars that we label with whatever we want to save towards. This year, it is Vacation, Christmas, and Long Term Savings. Typically once we see how good we can do in one month, we will keep it up for a while longer AND our spending decreases a HUGE amount and then creeps back up to narmal VERY slowly. I’m excited to see how we do.
Maria
Mar 2, 2008 at 9:41 pm
We are both spenders, but I am always looking for ways to save…which does include investing heavily so neither of us can spend it elsewhere!
Erin Marie
Mar 2, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I’m both. I like having a chunk of money saved and I watch … kinda where the money goes. But when I’m at the store, I buy whatever looks good… as long as it’s cheap. My way of keeping me from overspending too much is calling my husband to see if it’s okay if I have to buy something that he doesn’t already know I’m buying if it’s more than $5. I don’t like calling him multiple times a day (or even once every day) at work, so it limits what I buy.
But when my husband goes out and buys stuff, he doesn’t look at the price as much as I do. He’ll buy more for quality than price, while I do the opposite. So, when we go out together, we do the best… Except then he’s there to say “yes” to all of my impulse items.
DramaMama
Mar 3, 2008 at 7:06 am
HI, I’m DramaMama and I’m a spender. I am, however, moving through the steps to become a saver. It’s been a long road, but w/everyone’s help I’ve really come a long way! No spreadsheets yet, but using cash and when it’s gone, it’s really gone! Thanks for being a part of my growth =)
Veggiemomof2
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:01 am
Yes I’m the tightwad, & yes I do hide things to keep him from spending!
Karen
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:23 am
Thanks for the comments everyone. I’m looking forward to what others have to say.
DramaMama: My hubby and I took Financial Peace classes at our church last February and it really helped us to become more like minded about our finances. He is still the spender, but has toned it down quite a bit. If you’d like more info about the classes, check out Dave Ramsey’s site. http://daveramsey.com
Laura @ Laura Williams' Musings
Mar 3, 2008 at 11:45 am
Fortunately, hubby and I both are on the same wavelength when it comes to frugality.
We both can be spendy but we usually come to our senses before we make a big mistake. He hides things from me… least he thinks he does. LOL I know it’s there but I don’t take it and spend it. I know why it’s there and leave it alone. I don’t hide money from him but I hide snacks! lol
Donna
Mar 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I am a total tightwad and my hubby is a big spender. This is why I am in complete control of all expenses.
I actually had a savings account that hubby did not know about. I have since revealed my little stash to him and soon after he went fishing with his buddies. He had his catch preserved by a taxidermist for about $2000.00. I was not happy.
We now have a rule that if the purchase is for more than $500.00 he needs to check with me first.
Money was a real problem in our relationship when we first got married. It is under control now and we are actually a happily married couple.
Hubby now shops at thrift stores with me and is thrilled when he gets a good bargain. He just needed some direction. After all he works hard for the money (I am a SAHM).
I did our taxes last night and we are getting a little money back. When I told Hubby, he asked how much. I told him a little more than last year and it is going straight to the savings account. He had no problem with this, he knows. I am so proud of the progress he has made and it really makes me feel that we are on the same team.
kellys
Mar 4, 2008 at 9:14 am
I find NO reason to hide anything. I had a friend that hid a private bank account from her husband for years. The trust in their marriage was almost non existant. The old saying goes, where yoru money and time goes, there goes your heart. If you can lie about the little things, where do you draw the line for telling the truth? My past has taught me that there is never any good that comes out of a lie. Sometimes the conversatoins are hard. Shoot, sometimes they are just plain painful. But remember, ultimately, the spender will have to accept the consequences and detrement for the whole family if things go badly. The saver just has to do whatever they can do take are of the bills. This is extremely hard for me as I am the saver and my DH is the spender. He’s getting better over time and kids.
Karen
Mar 5, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I think we all have things we hide from our spouses whether it’s how much we paid for an outfit, how long we left our children at the sitter’s house, how long of a nap we took, how many times we went out to eat on our lunch break, or any other various scenarios.
I’m not saying that you should have a secret bank account, but there are some families that wouldn’t have enough money to pay their bills each month if the spender knew the money was there. And there are many marriages that would be very rocky or have ended in divorce if the spender was let in on all of the financial status.
Sometimes there is a need for “don’t ask, don’t tell” and then sometimes there’s a need to say we don’t have any money. Sure, there may be money in the savings account, but that’s not for everyday spending.
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